"You are not doing that right!"

When someone tells me that I am wrong, what do I learn?

“You are not doing that right!”

“How did you let this happen?”

Do I learn what is intended?

I don’t think so.  I don’t often know what is intended – that I should feel bad or guilty; or that I need to see the world in a different way, act in a different way?  However, what I really learn; being honest is something quite different.

What do I really learn when you tell me I am wrong?

I do often learn one of three things:

  1. You are stupid
  2. You are blind
  3. It is no fun talking to you
Jake Lacaze tells a simple story of a time his mother didn’t tell him he was wrong, but allowed him to learn from a situation.
I have regularly focused on my “rightness” in conversations; and in winning the battle of “rightness”, I lost days of friendship.  
Marshall Goldsmith tells us to question “Is is worth it?” as I begin to get into a proof of how another is wrong.  I can learn to use the Japanese “Yes”:  I hear you, I understand that you see it that way from your point of view; but I don’t accept or deny the statement.  I don’t enter into a battle for truth, only accept that 2 different people are guaranteed to have 2 different points of view.  
There is a story about blindfolded kids and an elephant that I remember.  I am sure you can google it if you haven’t heard it.
If you think you are good at listening without judging try this 1 day listening challenge ;-)
So, do you think I am wrong?  Or the bigger question, if you did think so, how could you really engage with me in a way that might allow me to open up to the possibility?

What do you think? Let me know you were here ;-)

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