This was a response to a student’s question about handling nerves while speaking in public…
Dear writer
Thank you for your contribution to the program and the positive impact you have had on so many of your fellow classmates. You mention that you find it difficult to remain composed and not become overwhelmed by nerves when you when give professional speeches.
I understand that this can be a challenge and greatly reduce your impact as a leader. (Video: 4 ways to handle Anxiety)
You ask if there is a method, tools or process to “improve” this… and feel more comfortable and keep to the “standards” of professional communication.
I have 4 ideas:
- Focus your Attention on the Audience, not Yourself,
- Don’t expect to be a Rock Star after 3 Auditions,
- Gnothi Sauton: Know Thyself
- Find A Mission “Bigger than Yourself”
Focus your Attention on the Audience, not Yourself
Attention – be deliberate in where you place your focus. “Did I give a good speech?” places the light and judgement on you. “what does the audience need from me right now?” places the light and judgement onto others; “did my speech serve the audience?”. When our attention is on ourselves, we become very anxious. When our attention is outside ourselves, we connect to the world. I work hard to stop asking myself “am I a good teacher?” and only ask “what do the students need from me?”.
Dan Sullivan says we only see our insides and we only see everyone else’s outsides. They look confident, clear, purposeful… on the outside. We never know what is going on in their insides. It is a big assumption that confident people are without uncertainty/fear/anxiety/doubts on the inside.
Don’t expect to be a Rock Star after 3 Auditions
Expectations – A professional musician practices for thousands of hours before they play in front of an audience. They play music that was written down years ago and we know that it works. When we watch a “good speaker” they make it look easy… as if they just stand up and the words come out. This is a dangerous belief. The metaphor of the swan – we see a beautiful calm swan on the surface, what we don’t see are its feet kicking like crazy just under the water. Great speakers have worked very hard to look like they are “natural”. There is no “natural” brilliance. It is dangerous to underestimate the real work involved in speaking clearly and well.
You will not be a great speaker after 3-4 practice rounds on video and 3 class sessions. It is always clear in our course who are the students that have practiced 10+ times, and those who have practiced less than twice.
Gnothi Sauton: Know Thyself
Self awareness – my friend Florian says that “public speaking is therapy” – and there is something important in his statement. It is very difficult to hide who you really are in front of 100 people. Most people do not know who they are. They know what others want them to be. They know what their parents want them to be, what their friends want them to be, what their school wants them to be… but not who they are. Life is not about just “being authentic”, but it does require that we find ourselves and then integrate who we are with the world around us. Finding who you are does not require giving up your job and going to an Ashram in India… but it will require time and real conversation – with others… and with yourself. There is Buddhist idea that you cannot “know yourself” until you reach 42 years old 😉 …you just don’t have enough experience of the world to compare and contrast with yourself. Everyone thinks their “life is normal” – until they realise that their own life is completely different than every other human being that has ever lived.
Life is a long journey and it would be sad if you knew everything and how to do everything well right now… you are on your path and at your speed. Don’t run away from pain… it contains the roots of all real growth. The universe is patient – it will keep sending you lessons until you get them… and then it will give you the next level of lesson. There is never an end to the process of discovery of who you are and why you are here and how you can serve humanity/the universe.
Find A Mission “Bigger than Yourself”
Finally… Cause – in the 110 meters high hurdles race in the Olympics… the runners never look at the hurdles/obstacles… they keep their eyes focussed on the horizon – if they ever look at a hurdle, they will hit it. In life we can either see where we are going, or we can see obstacles. If you don’t know where you are going, all you see is obstacles. A cause is a purpose beyond oneself – a project that is worthwhile even if you fail to complete it. What values, people, projects are so important to you that you really are willing to pay a significant price for them? (Finding Purpose and Defining a Vision for your Life).
As Victor Frankl says:
“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”
Viktor E. Frankl
A longer answer than I initially intended 😉
