I came across a TEDx talk today by Drew Dudley about Leadership. It is called “Creating cultures of leadership”.
He explains his first ever class on leadership. After the class, a participant came up and said “I thought I understood leadership, but now I don’t. Could you explain exactly what you mean by leadership?”
He could not explain it simply. It was too complex. (He used the old teacher trick… he asked her “well, what do you think leadership is?”)
After years of thinking, he can now explain leadership simply. For him, it is answering these 6 questions every day.
If he answers these 6 questions every day, at the end of a year there will be 2,190 moments that he deliberately makes people better.
The 6 Questions to Ask Yourself Every Day to be a Leader
Impact – What have I recognised in someone else’s leadership today?
Continuous Improvement – What have I done to make it more likely I will learn something?
Mentorship – What have I done to make it more likely someone else will learn something?
Empowerment – What positive thing have I said about someone to their face today?
Recognition – What positive thing have I said about someone who isn’t in the room?
Self-respect – How have I been good to myself today?
Companies today aren’t managing your career. You must be your own HR guru. That means it’s up to you to identify your place in the world and know when to change course. It’s up to you to keep yourself engaged and productive. This is the premise of Peter Drucker’s 2005 HBR article “Managing Oneself”.
Peter Drucker asks some great questions the article (available as a short book). This is a very brief summary of his article. (The summary image above is a wonderful thing to print and keep in your notebook.)
What are my strengths? Feedback is the only way to find out. Do you have a systematic process for getting feedback on your behaviours?
How do I perform? How do I learn best? Don’t struggle with modes that don’t work for you. (on Mastery)
What are my values? “What kind of person do I want to see in the mirror in the morning?”
Where do I belong? Mathematicians, musicians and cooks are mathematicians, musicians and cooks by the time they are 4 or 5 years old. Successful careers are not planned, they happen when people are prepared and positioned for opportunities that suit them. Knowing where one belongs can transform an ordinary person into an outstanding performer.
What should I contribute? Given my strengths, methods and values: what is the great contribution to what needs to be done? Don’t look too far ahead – 18 months is the range of good planning. Define courses of action: what to do, where and how to start, what goals, objectives and deadlines to set.
Responsibility for Relationships: Adapt to what makes those around you successful. Adapting to what makes your boss most effective is the secret of managing up. Take responsibility for communicating how you are performing; take responsibility for building trust
Final thoughts from Peter: In management…
Success is at best an absence of failure
People outlive organisations
People are mobile and will move
We must manage ourselves, and help others manage themselves
They lie, they manipulate and they pick fights: Some colleagues are ruthless, especially when it comes to their own professional advancement.
Avoiding a toxic employee can save a company more than twice as much as bringing on a star performer. The trouble with Toxics is that they are difficult to detect. Often, Toxics are popular with colleagues, seen as friendly and interested. It’s only after a while that co-workers begin to notice that the Toxic is sucking the joy and engagement of an entire workplace. Poor leadership creates the perfect breeding ground for Toxics.
Who is likely to be toxic?
Overconfidence and narcissism are toxic. I know these traits… because myself, Conor Neill, at age 35 was massively overconfident and pretty narcissistic.
Overconfidence:
What it takes to get the job is not just different from, but often the reverse of what it takes to do the job well.
The main reason for the uneven management sex ratio is our inability to discern between confidence and competence. Men are more apt to show confidence, women tend to hold themselves back from overconfidence.
Unstructured interviews are a terrible method to evaluate a person for a job – they reward self confident individuals and fail to analyse real competence.
Narcissism:
High-flying leaders dream of their faces appearing on the front of Time, Business Week and the Economist. Not their brand, not their team, not their investors… their own face. (That was my dream when I was 35 – fame for me). This is narcism.
Freud told us that there is a dark side to narcissism. Narcissists are emotionally isolated and highly distrustful. Perceived threats trigger rage. Achievements feed feelings of personal grandiosity. Freud thought narcissists were the hardest personality types to analyze.
Narcissistic CEO Larry Ellison was described thus by a subordinate: “The difference between God and Larry is that God does not believe he is Larry.”
The 4 Apocalyptic Qualities of Poisoned People
Harvard Research showed that employees who showed the following characteristics were more likely to be toxic workers:
Overconfident – as described
Self centred – narcism
Productive – individually highly productive in visible areas; note: this is individual rather than team focus on productivity
Rule-following – a stickler for the formal rules
A self-centred, overconfident productive and rule following person will poison their team – taking all the credit, ruining the spirit, enjoying and promoting the failures of those around them.
How to be Un-Toxic?
What can you personally do to be less toxic? What can you look for in others to ensure that they are competent and serve others?
Jim Collins identifies the 4 characteristics common to Level 5 leaders:
Humility
Will
Ferocious resolve
Responsibility: Give credit to others while taking blame upon themselves
How do you achieve humility combined with ferocious resolve? How do you stay responsible even as you do start to achieve more and more? I believe there is only one way to keep our feet on the ground:
Feedback from Trusted Peers
You must be surrounded by a group of people who can keep your feet on the ground, but believe deeply in your capacity to be a powerful, positive, valued leader. There is no way to keep this journey going alone. We need others to regularly see something in ourselves that we become blind to when left alone. As the story goes, we are 2 wolves… alone we feed the bad wolf, supported by peers, mentors, coaches and inspiring people… we feed the good wolf.
Watch people – do they seek feedback from trusted peers? If not, they are likely Toxic.
Robert Fritz says that we each have two limiting beliefs: powerlessness and unworthiness. We don’t have to pretend to be better than we are. We don’t have to pretend that we don’t do shameful things that all humans do. The only cure? Allowing trusted peers to really know us, and let us see what they see in us.
Benjamin Franklin brought together a peer group of 12 friends who would be fully open about their lives, challenges and opportunities. A group who aspired to live bigger lives, and who worried about the dangers of self-delusion.
I have been part of a peer group forum for 8 years. Each meeting we push each other to share the real person, not the one we have created to impress others. I have found over these years that each time I share something that I am ashamed of, it loses its power over me. Each time I share my real me, the others respond in a more positive way than when I share the carefully crafted impressive version of myself.
For 2016, Get Trustworthy Feedback
In 2016, be sure to surround yourself with people who believe in you, and in turn, make every effort to give them the same gift.
Do you have a trusted group of peers? If yes, let me know how you found this group. If no, I’d love to hear from you – I can share some tools to help you get started.
I have sat through many presentations over the last 3 years listening to experts telling company leaders how they can make their company an engaging workplace; how they can increase employee engagement.
Is it really the employer’s responsibility?
Engagement is a Choice
Surely a basic requirement when you accept a job is that you engage and commit to doing it well?
Apathy is a practiced habit. You don’t start life as a child expert in curiosity-less disengagement. You practiced.
Your Apathy is Nobody Else’s Fault
Why should the fault be directed to your manager or to company HR?
It is not their fault.
It is not anyone’s fault that you are not engaged.
It is you.
It is you who is apathetic.
It is you who has to commit.
It is you who has to engage.
It is you who has to become responsible for your life as an adult.
Practice Apathy at Work, Become Apathetic in Everything
Show me someone who is apathetic and disengaged at work, and I will show you that he is apathetic and disengaged at home, with friends and a superb cynic of anyone who makes an effort. When we practice apathy, we get better at it in all areas of our life: work, family, hobbies, friends, studies, spirituality, community.
Here’s a short guide to putting the practice of engagement and responsibility into your life:
Engaged Life 101: How to be actively engaged in life.
Intention: Start every day by stating your intention for the day. As soon as you wake, write down the sentence “Today, my day is about _________” (today, I wrote self-compassion… yesterday I wrote listening better)
Read: Next, read something inspiring. (ie, not the newspaper, not your email) Here’s my list of great books: Personal Leadership Library
Think & Write: Decide on your Most Important Action for today. Write it down. Do 10 minutes action to move this Most Important Action forward. At the end of exactly 10 minutes of focussed attention, stop and go have your breakfast.
Now, you can let the day happen… but you have already taken personal ownership and responsibility for your day… good practice for the rest of the day.
The Dean of EO Leadership Academy, and highly successful businessman and person, Warren Rustand first taught me this process. He calls it the 1-10-10-10 start to the day. 1 minute intention, 10 minute read, 10 minute write then 10 minute think. Ideally followed by 29 minutes of physical exercise and then you’ve given yourself the best possible first 60 minutes of the day.
A boring vision attracts mediocre people and mediocre performance.
“I want to make €1 million” is not a compelling vision. It is about you, and you alone. Why would anyone else give their best effort so that you can have €1 million in your bank account?
Guy Kawasaki once told me that a compelling vision is based on one of three things:
Right a wrong
Give back to people something they have lost
Improve quality of life
How do you improve the quality of life of a group of people? How do you fix something that is wrong with the world? How do you give people something they once had but is now lost?
It takes courage to build a compelling vision.
It takes deep self reflection about what is deeply important to me. The closer I get to what my deepest values ask of me, the more I will feel fear of ridicule by others.
If anything was possible, what type of world do you want to see?
Describe this world.
If it feels easily achievable, you do not have a compelling vision. If this seems important but very difficult – you might be on to a compelling vision.
If you work for the money, you will get bored and apathetic sooner or later. If the money is for a bigger purpose, then your journey can overcome many obstacles.
It drives me nuts when someone just wants to use me as a sounding board as they share their problems.
I find it hard to listen to someone who just wants to tell me about the problem. They have a lot of energy and passion to describe their problem, but I can’t get them to engage in positive ideas for how they can move the situation to a better place.
I am empathetic for a while, then I get tired and tune out.
You can put your energy into avoiding problems or solving them, but not both. The energy that goes into avoiding problems comes from solving problems.
Dan Rockwell in his recent TEDx talk shared a scheme for bringing a conversation away from problem description. When people call for his help, they want to talk about their problem. He has 45 minutes to make a difference… he needs to get the conversation moving on from the problem. How?
He uses the acronym: PITSIT’N
Problem – Problem “Other people are doing bad things”
Imagine – Imagine if things were going perfectly. What would it be like? (they have no idea)
Trying – What are you trying to make things better?
Stop – What do you need to stop? (try harder doing the same things is never a real strategy) “You seem smarter than this” repeating same and becoming more frustrated
Imperfect – What is the imperfect behaviour that will move this forward? (little steps, trying little positive things, “if you can’t see it, it doesn’t count”, “we don’t need a touchdown, we just need a first down”) What are possible behaviours that will move this forward?
Try – What would you like to try this week? How, when? “Pretend I’m that person and say it to me”
Next week – Next week, I am going to ask you four questions: What did you do, how did it work, what did you learn, what are you going to try next time?
Watch Dan’s TEDx Talk
What tools work for you? How do you decide when somebody wants you just to listen to their frustration, or when they really are interested in your coaching to make progress?
De duodecim abusivis saeculi “On the Twelve Abuses of the World” is a self-help book written by an Irish author between 630 and 700AD. You could say that it was the earliest precursor to Steven Covey, Brian Tracy or Jim Rohn.
The work was widely propagated throughout Europe by Irish missionaries in the 8th century. Its authorship was often attributed to Saint Patrick (the general view today is that it was not his work).
Duodecim abusivis saeculi
De duodecim condemns the following twelve abuses:
*Collectio Canonum Hibernensis
the wise man without works; sapiens sine operibus
the old man without religion; senex sine religione
the young man without obedience; adolescens sine oboedientia
the rich man without charity; dives sine elemosyna
the woman without modesty; femina sine pudicitia
the nobleman without virtue; dominus sine virtute
the argumentative Christian; Christianius contentiosus
the proud pauper; pauper superbus
the unjust king; rex iniquus
the neglectful bishop; episcopus neglegens
the community without order; plebs sine disciplina
the people without a law; populus sine lege
Background
This form of document is part of a broad category of medieval literature called “Mirrors for Princes”. They were developed to educate future kings in the leadership qualities that would be needed in their role as king. The best known of these works is The Prince by Machiavelli.
One of the hardest parts of leadership is getting people around you to take action. It is easy to get people to agree generally that things could be better, it is a vastly different conversation to look them each in the eyes and ask that they tell you directly how they will be taking action in their areas. I have opinions on refugees, politics, border controls, the need for hard work, the ways to educate children… but I don’t often follow these opinions up with clear action.
We (that is: we socially adapted human beings) are pretty poor when it comes to asking for commitment from others. In polite society it is considered rude to hold the attention on a person after they have given a vague answer and then ask them to clarify exactly what their commitment is. If you are the friend who does this, you might find that you are invited to less barbecues.
In leadership, it is the most important thing.
Leadership requires that you both share your vision in a way that people around you see why effort is required, and then that you look them in the eyes and make it clear that you now expect clear action from them… or there will be consequences.
The commitment process is not a natural human process – we instinctively shy away from forcing the other to say that they are making a formal commitment. Unfortunately, this means many conversations end with no commitments at all.
It happens with friends – I often realise that I have assumptions about how the washing and cleaning will be shared with others when we share a holiday house… but it is I who have failed to be absolutely clear with the others about my expectations.
It happens at work – a colleague and myself discuss a new article that we can co-write over a coffee and are both excited by the project. A month later and no words have been written… I had assumed he would be structuring the first draft, and he was waiting for me to share a first attempt.
As I return from 2 months away from formal work and away from my home city, one of the reflections I have is that I have a wonderful ability to get frustrated when others don’t do things that I expected them to do… but the closer I look at my own responsibility I realise that I don’t do a great job of articulating what it is that I expect.
So, 2 aims for myself:
When I notice that a feeling of frustration is growing in me because of the behaviour of another, ask myself if I have done my best to explain why and what my expectation is. (Usual answer: No).
Stop getting frustrated at other people.
A final story that came to my mind as I finish this post…
The Inevitable Outcome of the Dog and the Rugby Ball
2 days ago I was at a barbecue hosted by my good friends Florian and Rose.
They were “babysitting” a one year old dog, a rottweiler called Nike. She was a good dog who loved being at the center of the action. Another of the guests mentioned that they loved rugby… and I happened to have a rugby ball in the back of my car.
We took out the ball and passed it back and forth… suffice to say, within 5 minutes the ball had been burst by a big bite from Nike the dog.
My first reaction was annoyance… but in less than a second the thought came to my head “what type of idiot takes a rugby ball out of his car when an excited dog with a big mouth is at the barbecue!”. If I didn’t want the ball burst, I should have left it in the car. If I wanted to be frustrated about a burst ball – then throw it around with a rottweiler chasing it.
There was no possible good end to this particular game of rugby…
How often do I get into situations where there is no good end to the “game”?
“passion brings out an enthusiasm and a dedication in others”Warren Buffett
Warren Buffett speaking in Italy recently
Summary of his words on Inspirational Leaders
“In the really great managers the common quality they have (in addition to intelligence, energy and integrity) is a passion for what they do.
They are not doing it for the money.
At least three quarters of the managers we have at Berkshire Hathaway are independently wealthy. They do not need to go to work in the morning. They go there because they they love what they’re doing. It is creative. I liken it to painting a painting. They are painting a painting that they see in their mind, never finishing, they get to keep working on it every day. They get to work on it in the way they want and they inspire others because that passion brings out an enthusiasm and a dedication in others.
If they were just going through the motions, sleepwalking through their jobs, they just wouldn’t get this engagement.
Inspirational Leaders are Fully Engaged
He brought up a very good question: how do you bring that sort of passion to the government?
Well certain leaders inspire people to go into government with that same passion for helping their fellow men through government. John Kennedy did it with the peace corps, he inspired many people.
An inspirational leader in any field, whether business or politics, will energise and attract people to put forth the kind of effort in a that you’re talking about. I hope we have one in the next President of the United States. I think I think you need a leader that that can cause people to think above where they’ve been thinking before; and bring out bring out energy and passion that they didn’t know was present. I get that in business maybe more than occasionally you get in the public service.
I don’t think you can write a manual or something about it.” Warren Buffett
We cannot learn it from a book, we cannot learn it from a DVD. I believe we must spend time with other people who are living a fully engaged life.
A training course with a trainer is about learning content. A training course led by a leader is both learning skill and role-modelling the fully engaged life.
The title of this post came from a summary of a talk by Pat Murray.
As a leader, people watch every single act. If you are in a bad mood and act out of that bad mood, people think that is who you are. Words are generally ignored, we watch what you allow to happen.
As parents this is even more difficult. If you say “do this and you will not get dessert” and then give them dessert anyway (because you are tired and do not want the fight) you have taught the children a lesson: Your rules are flexible and negotiable. It is hard to trust someone whose rules are flexible and negotiable.
You Stand For What You Tolerate
“The worst use of power is no use of power”
What do you know that is “wrong” but tolerate? What behaviours annoy you, but you don’t address them? If somebody arrives 4 minutes late to a meeting, are they allowed to attend? If somebody sends the report an hour later than agreed, are they sanctioned?
If you allow bad behaviour this is who you are. Words are cheap. What you allow is real.
What are your intolerables? What are the behaviours that you absolutely will not sanction? If you are not clear on this list, then you will allow bad behaviours to creep in to your culture. I learnt one clear lesson during the Organisation Behaviour module of my own MBA: “The worst use of power is no use of power”.
It is really painful to confront another person on their behaviour. It is a lot more painful to be the passive creator of a slowly sickening culture of performance.
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