We love to talk about the problem
It drives me nuts when someone just wants to use me as a sounding board as they share their problems.
I find it hard to listen to someone who just wants to tell me about the problem. They have a lot of energy and passion to describe their problem, but I can’t get them to engage in positive ideas for how they can move the situation to a better place.
I am empathetic for a while, then I get tired and tune out.
The Approach of Leadership Coach Dan Rockwell
Dan Rockwell in his recent TEDx talk shared a scheme for bringing a conversation away from problem description. When people call for his help, they want to talk about their problem. He has 45 minutes to make a difference… he needs to get the conversation moving on from the problem. How?
He uses the acronym: PITSIT’N
- Problem – Problem “Other people are doing bad things”
- Imagine – Imagine if things were going perfectly. What would it be like? (they have no idea)
- Trying – What are you trying to make things better?
- Stop – What do you need to stop? (try harder doing the same things is never a real strategy) “You seem smarter than this” repeating same and becoming more frustrated
- Imperfect – What is the imperfect behaviour that will move this forward? (little steps, trying little positive things, “if you can’t see it, it doesn’t count”, “we don’t need a touchdown, we just need a first down”) What are possible behaviours that will move this forward?
- Try – What would you like to try this week? How, when? “Pretend I’m that person and say it to me”
- Next week – Next week, I am going to ask you four questions: What did you do, how did it work, what did you learn, what are you going to try next time?
Watch Dan’s TEDx Talk
What tools work for you? How do you decide when somebody wants you just to listen to their frustration, or when they really are interested in your coaching to make progress?
What are your thoughts?