I can't keep people's attention. I'm shy. Where do I start? | [Nadia M.]
Hi, i’m Struggling with myself.I am shy, i can’t keep people’s attention when i’am talking about something.I want to improve my skills in several areas. how i can proceed to reach that. advise me please.
On being Interesting, Learning Fast and Overcoming Shy-ness…
People are interested in themselves and their own goals, not you and your stories.
If you are speaking about yourself and your goals, it is very hard to keep other’s attention.
Seth Godin has a phrase “try to be interested, not interesting”
Find out what the others are interested in, what challenges they face, what goals they have… where they are now… and only when you can see that they see that you truly understand them can you share your own perspective.
- Learn to ask good questions
- Learn to listen with an intent to learn something new
- Learn to help others find more clarity about what they want.
- Learn to challenge other’s lazy thinking without pissing them off
Learning Faster and Forming Good Conscious Habits
One of the most valuable habits that I have developed is Journaling – writing a few notes down each day about where I am, who I am with, what is on my mind, what I learnt…
Get a notebook and a pen and carry them with you. Start becoming intentional about capturing what is working and what is not working in you life.
Overcoming being “Shy”
I go up and down in terms of how introverted or extroverted I feel at different times. I find that the most valuable thing that I can do when I start to feel highly self-conscious about myself (which leads to questioning whether I have anything useful to add to people or situations)… I stop thinking about myself and look at the other people and I tell myself that there are other people here who are struggling as much or more than me… If I can find one of them and go and help them, I forget about myself.
In any moment that I feel great self doubt, I try to trigger a thought pattern around who really needs my help right now? As soon as I put another person at the centre of my thinking, I forget about my own feelings of “not being enough” or nervousness/anxiety.