9 Reasons why you are Stuck

9 Reasons Why You Are Stuck

  1. You don’t have a compelling enough vision
  2. Your habits aren’t serving you
  3. You haven’t invested in improving yourself
  4. Poor relationships
  5. You’re cheap
  6. You’re worried about your weaknesses
  7. You’re filling your time
  8. You’re managing the wrong things
  9. You’re asking “do I feel like doing this?”

Photo: kendoman26

Stuck in a Web and unable to move, Photo: kendoman26

You don’t have a compelling enough vision

Ed Stafford walked the length of the Amazon, from the source to the sea.  It took him 860 days.  860 days hiking in remote jungle, hacking his way through mosquito-ridden rain forest.  I would have given up in the first week.  After 3 or 4 days sleeping in the mud, I’d have given up.  Why did Ed keep on going?  There was a deeper purpose for Ed.

If you have a tiny vision, then any obstacle will stop you.  If you have a deeply compelling vision of what you intend to achieve, no obstacle will stop you.  Your resourcefulness will open new paths over, through, around and past the obstacle.  Ed must have a deeply meaningful sense of what walking the Amazon would mean to his life.

Exercise: Imagine standing on top of a very tall building.  There is another building about 10 meters away.  There is a wooden plank laid between the two buildings.  What would have to be on top of the other building for you to risk your life to make the crossing?

Your habits aren’t serving you

Practice doesn’t differentiate good or bad habits.  Practice distraction: become a master.  I have returned from the summer with a tendency to check facebook several times during the day.  This habit stops me from pushing into the hard stuff.  As soon as I face a tough decision, my habit of facebook checking rears it’s ugly head.  I have practiced this habit over the last 3 months – it will take me at least a month to get back to the discipline of writing 500 words at a sitting, to take 10 minutes each morning to silently reflect on the day that is ahead.  I have been practicing poor habits.  I now need to practice better habits, and accept the frustration and annoyance of regularly falling back onto the poor habits.  I want to practice concentration.

Exercise: Identify one poor habit and create an "if-then" rule for dealing with it.  If I feel the urge to check facebook I will immediately write 100 words of content.  If I feel the urge to go to the kitchen for a snack, I will get a large glass of water.

You haven’t invested in improving yourself

My first corporate job was with Accenture.  They spend at least 2% of revenues on training and development every year.  This meant that I did an average of 12 full days of training every year.  In my first few years as an entrepreneur, do you know how much time and money I spent on professional training?  None.  I did not invest in myself.  In the last 6 years I have committed to at least 10 days of professional training each year.

How much training and development have you done in the last year?  How much have you paid to get great teachers?  Have you reached out to mentors?

Exercise: Pick an area for development for 2015.  Identify 3 books you will read, 3 wise mentors you can reach out to and 1 professional training course that you can commit to attend during 2015.

Improve your Communication:  If you’ve adopted some good habits BUT feel like you need more accountability and guidance check out my online communications coaching program here: http://cono.rs/practicespeak

Poor relationships

If you want to be thin, eat your meals with skinny people.  If you want to be fit, spend your time with fit people.

If I want inspiration I have some great friends that get the best out of me: Florian, Eka, Mathieu, Brian, Stefan, David, Raul, Al, Adrian.  A phone call, and I have the desire and discipline to be the best version of Conor.

Exercise: Write down the names of 5 people who inspire you to be the best version of yourself.

You’re cheap

You don’t invest in yourself.  The world is changing fast.  You are either learning 1 hour per day, or you are depreciating your main asset – your own capacity to serve the world, your skills, your connections.  Coursera, EdX, Udemy, NovoEd, Apple University – it is accessible and online; and a quick search will find you valuable institutions in your local area.

Exercise: Pick an area you would like to improve and do an online course.  Languages - duolingo is a great app.  Programming - code.org.  History, philosophy, culture - Coursera.

You’re worried about your weaknesses

You will make mistakes.  It is the human condition.  Language learners cannot learn without many, many mistakes.  I know people who have spent years learning a language, but will never open their mouth at fear of making a small mistake.  They know that mistakes make them feel guilty.  They hate the feeling of guilt.  I hate the feeling of guilt.  Making mistakes is the human condition.  We were not born to be perfect.  We are here to learn, to grow, to become better versions of ourselves.

Japanese artists used to start by making a mistake with their very first brush stroke.  It had something to do with establishing that they were men, not gods, and that only gods could strive for perfection.  I think it is a great way of starting.  Once you have made an error, you no longer are staring at a blank sheet… and the next step is guaranteed to be better.

Exercise:  Start each activity by deliberately making an error.  I write a bad draft of a blog post first before going back and improving it.  Go for draft quality first and get it complete, then go back and look to improve the quality.

You’re filling your time

I love being busy – it allows me to ignore the anxiety I have for areas of my life that are not going well.  Tony Robbins talks about “safe problems”.  Each of us has a safe problem – something that we almost enjoy explaining showing how difficult the problem is.  You can tell when someone has a safe problem – they enjoy sharing it with you; and they hate when you try to help them solve it.  They love this problem.  They love this problem because this problem keeps them from having to deal with the bigger, deeper problem that is the real challenge in their life.  If you take away their safe problem, it is like taking away a child’s teddy bear.

Exercise:  Write a list of energy drain activities that you do.  What are the activities that drain your energy, but do not provide a clear benefit?  I ask myself "is this making me happy now or is this making my life better in the long run?"  If the answer is not an easy yes, stop doing it.  Do nothing instead.

You’re managing the wrong things

As a blogger I love seeing page views, facebook shares, retweets.  I love watching the numbers.  I love reviewing detailed statistics.  However, none of this is helping me write good content.  Good measures of that might be number of words written, or hours spent on re-writing content.

Exercise: Measure only what matters and helps and is under your own control.  Number of words produced per day is something that I control and that matters.  Number of page views or facebook friends is not something that I control.

You’re asking “do I feel like doing this?”

My emotions are ancient tools that helped with survival, but not with living a fulfilling human life.  If I am scared, my whole body and attention is directed towards urgent action that can avoid being eaten.  If I am angry, my whole body and attention is directed towards demonstrating that I am not to be messed with.

This morning I thought “I will go to the gym”…  but almost immediately another thought came into my mind “I don’t feel like it.”  I know that I will enjoy it once I am 20 minutes in, but very rarely do I “feel like” doing the important things for my health, wealth, wisdom and empathy for others.  Great ultra athletes always have some form of “I will decide whether to keep running after 1 mile” for their training.  They get out and get started each day, and after an

Exercise: when you find yourself asking "do I feel like doing this?" change it to "I will ask myself if I still feel like doing it after 20 minutes of action, then I will decide".

Living The Intentional Life

Soaring Intentionally, Photo: Tambako the Jaguar

Soaring Intentionally, Photo: Tambako the Jaguar

This final point is important.  I spend a lot of my life working on how to live more intentionally, and how to teach others the benefits and practice of living more intentionally.  This is the creation of rituals of practice in your life, and these 9 elements of being stuck tend to come from a loss of intentionality in the way you live your days.

Nobody ever climbed Everest by accident, only through intent and years of practice and influence.

7 comments

  1. […] P.S. If you liked this post you might also like The complete guide to personal habits: 158 reflections on being your best self and 9 Reasons why you are Stuck. […]

  2. Solid pointers here Conor. I’ll be sure to share them (with credit to you) as I work leaders and entrepreneurs who are stuck.

    1. Feel free to share! Ideas are free… its the putting them into practice that needs a coach and discipline and purpose and all that good stuff 😉

  3. One of the biggest reasons I think people are stuck is due to a lack of commitment. Commitment can show up as persistence. Usually people are top Quick to give up because it is not easy.

  4. This post is a keeper…I’ll read it again at a later time and I’ll get more out of it.
    Thanks Conor.

    1. 😉 I wrote it mainly as a reminder to myself!!! hehehe

  5. Some great points in here. I like the final point of. In recent years I have discovered that we can control our lives and live intentionally. It’s very empowering. You may find this related post useful: http://www.mindedmind.com/2014/12/08/benefits-drawbacks-writing-goals/

    Thank you

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