New Here?
Hello Conor.. I listened to your ‘Improve your speaking’ last night and was inspired. I did my first camera entry last night and it wasn’t pretty. I’m originally from NZ, big Rugby playing guy. People don’t think I get nervous as after a few beers I am the one telling stories.. but it’s different in work or presenting situations. I overthink the situation and don’t give the best account of myself. Currently my wife and I looking at moving across country from Boston to california for her job and it means I have just started the interview process. I know this practice will help, but any tips to stay relaxed and not overthink questions etc that may come my way. I do a lot of prep, but still think I could practice at being more articulate with responses. Thanks again and love your work
I know plenty of people who can tell a great story in a pub, but find something really scary about defending an idea in front of a board meeting or giving a speech.
Years ago I came across a podcast from Michael Neill (no relation). He is a coach.
In the podcast, Michael shared a story of a client of his who asked him “Michael, can you reassure me that it will be ok? Can you let me know that it will be alright if our company is bought?” and Michael spoke about the dangers of “contingent peace of mind”
If my peace of mind is contingent on me having enough money, or me being smart enough or me having the right looks… I don’t have peace of mind.
Peace of mind must be unconditional.
Ever since, my own “reassuring self talk” doesn’t say “it will be ok because…”; I say to myself “whatever happens I will have the resources to respond”.
Most of my most stressful and anxious moments come when the thought pattern I use is “I will be ok because I have enough money, or good friends” – and then my mind starts to say “you could lose that too”.
The thought pattern of unconditional peace of mind is telling myself “whatever happens I will be able to handle it”.
Here’s a video I made about this idea of conditional vs unconditional peace of mind https://conorneill.com/2017/01/04/setting-goals-for-2017/
