“If someone followed your life and took 24 hours of film of everything you do for a day and they edited that into a one-hour documentary… the editor could decide to make you look like the worst villain ever or the greatest hero ever… it depends on which parts of your day he puts into the documentary” my friend Raul Aguirre over dinner in Buenos Aires
This video is about a Paradox that we must come to terms with in order to live a full human life. I’ve made it in Montevideo, Uruguay on a trip here to teach Leadership Communications at the IEEM Business School (part of the University of Montevideo).
We need to find a balance in our lives between the forces of external and internal success, between intentional, goal-directed living and a sense of peace within. The paradox – is that these are two forces that clash. How do you find the right balance?
I’d welcome your help on Balance between Ambition and Peace
I need your help- how do you find this balance? Do you have this balance? Do you ever lose control to one side or the other… and how do you recognise this and regain the balance in your life? Thanks… trying to regain this balance in my own life…
If you liked this, you might also like to see my recent video on Finding Purpose and Defining a Vision for your Life (an Exercise).
This video is about the 4 seasons of nature, and the 4 seasons of our life.
Farmers understand the seasons – they don’t plant in autumn and try to reap a harvest in winter… they know that spring is for planting, summer is for nurturing and autumn is for reaping.
In our own lives we have these seasons. If you can recognise the seasons of your life, you can keep a better perspective and clarity about what you are seeking to achieve.
Stay strong… and remember: all winters come to an end and spring, the window of opportunity will come again.
I mentioned Brandon Dempsey’s blog post: How to cautiously and successfully reap the rewards of your hard work
I'd love you to leave a comment and tell me the answer to this question: Who is the most enthusiastic person that you know?
Last night, I asked a retired inspector of schools: “What makes a great school?”
His answer… “Music.”
He said that infallibly he would find a thriving musical scene in every great school that he had visited.
When you are surrounded by enthusiastic people, you are willing to take risks and learn; brave tries are celebrated. When you are surrounded by cynics and apathetic people you don’t take risks and any effort at bravery is laughed at and mocked.
On Friday I attended the YouTube Creators day in Barcelona. It struck me just how powerful a room full of enthusiastic people can be. There was no cynicism and no apathy. All efforts at Learning, trying and courage to take risks were celebrated.
PS My own answer is: Florian Mueck (http://www.florianmueck.com/florian/)
Write stuff down.
I say it over and over again. I repeat myself. My blog is an extension of my habit of writing down ideas.
A short pencil is longer than the longest memory.
“Writing is among the greatest inventions in human history, perhaps the greatest invention, since it made history possible. Yet it is a skill most of us take for granted.” Andrew Robinson, The Story of Writing.
Check out how to begin with a journal, or hear what Jim Collins has to say on the writing process.
This weeks video is inspired by a book: The Road Less Travelled, by M. Scott Peck.
The book begins with the statement “Life is difficult”. It is my failure to understand this, believing that my life should be easy and problem-free that is the root of suffering.
Life is not meant to be easy, and is a series of problems which can either be handled or ignored.
Discipline is required to solve life’s problems rather than ignore them. Discipline is made up of 4 aspects of how we chose to live our lives.
The 4 Aspects of Discipline:
- Delaying gratification: Sacrificing present comfort for future gains.
- Acceptance of responsibility: Accepting responsibility for one’s own decisions.
- Dedication to truth: Honesty, both in word and deed.
- Balancing: Handling conflicting requirements. Scott Peck writes of an important skill to prioritize between different requirements – bracketing.
Carl Jung, said “neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.” Neurotics make themselves miserable; those with character disorders make everyone else miserable. Everyone is neurotic or character-disordered at some time in their life, and the balance is to have a structure and relationships in your life than can help you see your lack of balance before you hurt yourself (or others).
Dedication to the truth represents the capacity of an individual to modify and update their worldview when exposed to new information discordant with the old view. Dedication to truth implies a life of genuine self-examination, a willingness to be personally challenged by others, and honesty to oneself and others.
Really coming to terms with oneself is very hard and painful work. Most people prefer to complain about their pain and continue their self-destructive patterns than to take up the challenging task of constructing a self and a life they could really live with.
This video is about Cialdini’s 6 Moments of Power from his book “Influence”.
Here is Dr. Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion”
About the Book
Influence, the classic book on persuasion, explains the psychology of why people say “yes”—and how to apply these understandings. Dr. Robert Cialdini is the seminal expert in the rapidly expanding field of influence and persuasion. His thirty-five years of rigorous, evidence-based research along with a three-year program of study on what moves people to change behavior has resulted in this highly acclaimed book.
You’ll learn the six universal principles, how to use them to become a skilled persuader—and how to defend yourself against them. Perfect for people in all walks of life, the principles of Influence will move you toward profound personal change and act as a driving force for your success.
This is the detailed guide to boring others. In this video from Portugal, I share the 5 best ways that you can develop an ability to bore the people around you.
The 5 Specific Areas to Develop to Be Boring
- Negative Attitude
- No Interest in Others
- Stay in your Comfort Zone
- Be a People Pleaser
- No Social Awareness
The 4 Areas to Develop to be Deeply Interesting
- Find a Cause to Support
- Take Courageous Leaps of Faith (help others)
- Get out and Explore this World
- Cultivate Weirdness
This video is about Innovation and the 3 types of innovation as described by Ferran Adrià, the world’s best chef. He tells us that there are 3 levels of innovation… and that it is type 3 innovation that really moves humanity through a step change in progress.
Read more on Innovation on the blog:
Kilian Jornet, 29, is widely considered the world’s best ultra-distance and mountain runner. Last month, he conquered Mount Everest twice in one week without using supplemental oxygen or fixed ropes. A project called Summits of My Life has taken him to the peaks of Matterhorn, Mont Blanc, Denali and Aconcagua. Here’s 3 videos of Kilian in the mountains with his friend and cameraman Seb Montaz…
What about our Weekend Plans?
What’s your plan for the weekend?
This video is about Building Trust – and how building Trust will Improve Relationships and the Enhance the Quality of our Lives. After you have food and shelter, it is the quality of the relationships that really make your life. Relationships are about trust. Where there is no trust, there is no relationship.
I’d love to hear your comments, thoughts, reflections and questions on this and the other educational videos on my channel.
I wrote a few years ago a longer post on The Trust Equation: https://conorneill.com/2011/11/17/trust/
How do you Increase Trust?
In order to Increase Trust =
- Increase Perception of Credibility or
- Increase Perception of Reliability or
- Increase Intimacy or
- Reduce Perception of Self-Orientation.
Ways to increase Perception of Credibility:
- Tell the truth.
- Don’t exaggerate.
- Avoid saying things that others may see as lies (eg “We’ll put our best people on it”)
- If you don’t know, say “I don’t know”. Quickly.
- If you don’t belong, don’t go.
- Do your homework.
- Care about the work.
Ways to increase Perception of Reliability:
- Make specific small commitments and deliver 100%.
- Send meeting materials in advance.
- Make sure meetings have clear goals, and that those goals are met.
- Use the words your listener would use.
- Review agendas for meetings.
- Re-confirm events 24 hours before.
Ways to Increase Intimacy:
- Ask insightful questions.
- Share first.
Ways to Reduce Perception of Self-Orientation:
- Ask questions.
- Listen and paraphrase without adding anything.
- Resist the need to fill silences.
- Focus on defining the problem, not guessing the solution.
- Say “I don’t know” if you don’t know.
- Take responsibility for failed communications (Say “I have failed to communicate clearly”, not “You don’t understand“)
- Think as if you were completely responsable for this person’s future success in all aspects that are important to the other person.
- Care about the work. If you don’t care about the work, it is inevitable that you will focus more on yourself. Low self orientation is all about intensity of your commitment to help your listener.