How can you influence people who are close to you without impacting the quality of your relationship?
What do you do to influence a behaviour of your child?
How do you speak to a friend with an addiction that is affecting their life?
How can you help a family member with a poor habit that is affecting their quality of life?
How to Influence People who are Close to you (without damaging the relationship)
Michael Pendelton of Yale University has spent many years looking at how families can intervene in the life of a loved one with an addiction problem and achieve lasting positive change. He has shown that long term, forcing change will not work.
There are 3 ingredients that are necessary to achieve lasting change in a person who is challenged with an addiction.
Let me know in the comments below what you think of Michael’s influencing strategy? Is it realistic? Can you see it working in your relationships?
Some “Tonyisms” compiled by Zeke Abraham at Date With Destiny last week.
“I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece. I challenge you to join the ranks of those people who live what they teach, who walk their talk.”
– Tony Robbins
Complexity is the enemy of execution.
You can only build on success, you can’t build on failure.
Our culture reinforces blame of others.
Words have a biochemical effect on the body
Stress is a code word for FEAR.
Stress doesn’t come from the facts, stress comes from the meaning we give the facts. When you come up with a new meaning, you get a new life.
Three decisions that we all make, control each moment of our lives:
What to focus on
What things mean
What to do in spite of the challenges that may appear.
We are suffering so much because we are overlooking the gifts around us.
Trade expectation for appreciation and our whole life changes in an instant. ~Because~
You can’t feel grateful and fearful at the same time. Or
You can’t feel grateful and angry at the same time.
When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears
Celebration releases stress, it lifts your mood, motivates you, and lastly, it gives you energy. Not only physically, but it gives you energy for life
When you adopt an attitude of gratitude celebrating for no good reason, is a good enough reason.
The Past does not equal the Future. Biography does not equal Destiny.
Our culture wants you to be one thing — to keep you simple.
6 human needs , each can be met constructively or destructively:
2. Uncertainty / Variety
4. Love / Connection
People will give up their goals, dreams and values to meet their needs
Anytime your mind perceives that doing something, feeling something, or believing something meets three of your needs; it becomes an addiction.
A Strategy is a system of producing a consistent result.
Faith is freedom.
A belief is a feeling of certainty about what something means.
There is a way beyond the way you’ve been programmed and that’s to program YOURSELF.
People who succeed long term live on pull not push.
If you don’t like the answers, ask better questions.
Life is happening FOR me not TO me.
Proximity is power.
Who you spend time with is who you become.
People’s lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group.
Only 3 things hold you back in business:
1. Failure to anticipate
2. Lack of follow through
3. Our own psychology and mindset
Leaders are READERS: Minimum 30 minutes a day. (A book! NOT a fluff piece, social media or magazine or infographic.)
Necessity is the mother of invention
It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.
In life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know.
Knowing is not enough! You must take action.
Knowledge is not power…it’s potential power. Execution will trump knowledge any day.
Information is potential power—execution trumps information every time.
Emotion is created by motion
CHANGE YOUR STATE! (PHYSIOLOGY)
Where focus goes, energy flows (THOUGHT = ENERGY)
I am a force for good!
DEFY THE ODDS!
Make your move!
If you want to change your life, raise your standards, change your SHOULD’s into MUST’s
If you want to take the island, you gotta burn the freakin boats
We all get what we tolerate.
The secret to LIVING is GIVING
Losers react, winners anticipate
If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten
The path of least resistance will never make you proud.
Progress = happiness
If we don’t grow we die
People are rewarded in public for what they do in private
Most people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in a decade
Life’s reward system is not fair. We don’t get rewards that are equal to efforts.
Good Effort = ZERO REWARDS
Great Effort = Good Rewards
Excellent Effort =Great Rewards
+ ADD ONLY 2mm more effort
Outstanding Effort = EXCELLENT Rewards
If you treat people at the end of the relationship like you did at the beginning, there won’t be an end.
What stops us all from moving forward is FEAR: The two primary fears that we all share are:
1. the fear that we’re not enough, and therefore
2. the fear that we won’t be loved
The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself.
Whenever you are happy with something in your life, it is because right now, the conditions of your life match your blueprint, or your belief about how life should be in that particular area. When you suffer, that is a signal for you to look at your blueprint. You have two options:
1. Either change your life, that is, do something to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
2. Or if you can’t change your life, change your blueprint.
The quality of your life is equal to the quality of your relationships.
Bottom line, If you’re not happy in your relationship, you aren’t happy (period)
Prime yourself daily – if you don’t have 10 minutes, you don’t have a life:
I’ve made a video every week since November 2016 when Christoph Magnussen, Rich Mulholland and myself made a joint commitment during Entrepreneurs’ Organisation Global Leadership Academy 2016.
This week I had nothing to say. I had lots of excuses. I wanted to make the video last Friday… didn’t. I wanted to make the video on Sunday… didn’t (we saw Star Wars!). I wanted to make the video on Monday… didn’t.
Today, Tuesday was the annual leadership meeting of my company Vistage. I knew there would be no time for making videos since last week. We got to the end of the day… I was packed and heading into the garage… to the car… and I thought – I am not going to miss a video after 56 straight weeks of posting a video.
I went up to the roof of IESE Business School and I turned on the camera and the microphone and admitted that I had nothing to say this week.
And then I found something to say…
Have a wonderful Christmas and I wish you a fantastic last few days of 2017. We’ll have a great 2018.
It doesn’t matter how incredible your ideas are if nobody pays attention. It doesn’t matter how great your business if you can’t capture the attention and interest of customers, employees, investors and suppliers.
There are 7 triggers of fascination.
Power – Take command of the environment
Pasion – Attract with emotion, irrational, irresistible charm
Mystique – Arousing curiosity
Prestige – Increase respect, aspiration
Alarm – Driving urgency
Vice – Creativity, Deviation from the norm, See things differently
Trust – Connection through consistency and predictability
The book begins with the statement “Life is difficult”. It is my failure to understand this, believing that my life should be easy and problem-free that is the root of suffering.
Life is not meant to be easy, and is a series of problems which can either be handled or ignored.
Discipline is required to solve life’s problems rather than ignore them. Discipline is made up of 4 aspects of how we chose to live our lives.
The 4 Aspects of Discipline:
Delaying gratification: Sacrificing present comfort for future gains.
Acceptance of responsibility: Accepting responsibility for one’s own decisions.
Dedication to truth: Honesty, both in word and deed.
Balancing: Handling conflicting requirements. Scott Peck writes of an important skill to prioritize between different requirements – bracketing.
Carl Jung, said “neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.” Neurotics make themselves miserable; those with character disorders make everyone else miserable. Everyone is neurotic or character-disordered at some time in their life, and the balance is to have a structure and relationships in your life than can help you see your lack of balance before you hurt yourself (or others).
Dedication to the truth represents the capacity of an individual to modify and update their worldview when exposed to new information discordant with the old view. Dedication to truth implies a life of genuine self-examination, a willingness to be personally challenged by others, and honesty to oneself and others.
Really coming to terms with oneself is very hard and painful work. Most people prefer to complain about their pain and continue their self-destructive patterns than to take up the challenging task of constructing a self and a life they could really live with.
Resilience or Mental Toughness is the capacity of some people to stay strong in the difficult times, when challenges abound, when the receive the blows of life. Some fall apart and cannot function, whilst a few stay strong and find the path through. What are the 3 tools of mentally tough people?
I recently spoke about these tools at the IESE EMBA session on High Performance Psychology where I shared the stage with Xavi Escales, CEO of ASICS Iberia and Fernando Belasteguin (Bela), the world’s #1 Padel player for the last 13 years.