It is not that you don’t go to enough “networking” events.

It is not that you don’t approach strangers at these “networking” events.

It is not that nobody ever told you that a strong network is important.

It is not that you have too few connections on LinkedIn or Facebook, or twitter or Google+.  (Connecting is not Networking.)

The #1 Reason

Is this: You only want something from me.

You don’t intend to help me.  You are there for you.

  • You’re not expert in anything useful to me.
  • You’re not connected to someone who can help me.
  • You have no experiences that are relevant to my challenges.
  • You aren’t funny enough to make me laugh.

If you do care…  the networking will take care of itself.  It is called reciprocity.  It works.

If someone asked you, “What is your job?”, what would your response be?  Go ahead, take a minute to think about your answer.  I asked a similar question a few weeks ago in my post Become Indispensable: Solve Interesting Problems)

Professor Fred Kofman tells a story about a question that changed his outlook on this question.

Did you say that you’re a coach? Entrepreneur? Do you manage operations? Maybe CEO?  Well, as Fred points out, what you think is your job is not actually your job.

Your Job is Not Your Job

Here is Fred’s presentation:

How do you answer now?

Did Fred change your mind?  (Fred’s full presentation is available here on youtube)

I so loved the title of Brad Feld’s post, that I just had to copy the title.

This is an important one.  We live in a world of personal branding, quick online reputation checks and a lot of noise.  Authors, Entrepreneurs and job seekers get less and less time to explain themselves.

This morning I was listening to Guy Kawasaki pitch his new book “APE” in a webinar on publishing.  He talked about the challenge of an author.  “Nobody walks into the bookstore thinking I am here to make Guy Kawasaki a little bit richer.  He walks in with a problem that he wants to solve.  His problem.”

The mentality of someone walking into a bookstore and browsing, and the mentality of an investor share a lot of similarities.  They have their own agenda.  Either you show you can help that agenda very quickly, or there are 20,000 other books in the bookshop that will get their attention.

If You Can’t Explain what You do in a Paragraph, You’ve Got a Problem

Gimme some Attention!!

I love the energy of entrepreneurs.  I spend a lot of time involved in activities in Barcelona.  I love the entrepreneurial energy. It is great to see people and institutions coming together to build the supporting community.  We need to get better at connecting 1) the people with the resources with 2) the people with the ideas with 3) the people who can execute these ideas.

If you approach me at a networking event and say “I’d like to talk to you about my business.”  I’ll say “Great.”  Then I will ask “What problem do you solve?”

This is the point at which 85% lose my attention.  They try to steer the conversation to describing the technology, or give a generic statement that uses either the word “platform” or “solution”.

I don’t want to hear about what language you are coding in.  I don’t really care about which font you have chosen for your book.  I don’t care when you started.

The 3 Ingredients of What We Do

Brad Feld says the “What We Do” Paragraph should be three sentences: (1) what we do, (2) who we do it to, and (3) why you should care. Sometimes this can be two sentences; sometimes four, but never more than a paragraph.

I believe the major risk of early stage startups is getting customers to buy, and showing that you can sell.  The words “platform” or “solution” are indicative of an entrepreneur who has not spent much time with real or potential customers.

What’s your paragraph?

Photo Credit: saikiishiki via Compfight cc

Daniel Shi gives a simple but profound answer to “How can I learn to be more Influential?” over on Quora:

I think that you can certainly become influential without having to do something “extraordinary.”

7 Steps to become more Influential

  1. Connect with many people. Learn that just because someone may not be important today, it doesn’t mean that he or she won’t be in the future. And even better if it is with your help.
  2. Remember people’s names and what you talked about. Have a repository in memory of what you talked about. Everybody you know has some request for help that you may be able to help them with. Have it cycling in your head as you go about meeting more people and encountering new things. When something clicks, act upon it. And that brings me to:
  3. Follow up. Find reasons to talk to people. Do this out of genuine desire to build relationships and to help people. Learn to tell the difference between being genuine and when you are being too forward.
  4. Develop a love of helping other people. See the success of other people as being your success, rather than a lost opportunity for you. If you help someone else out, they will remember you down the road.
  5. Don’t think of interactions with people as a one shot deal. You will no doubt meet that person again some day. You will have another interaction with them as well.
  6. Learn to communicate well. None of the above is really applicable if you find it difficult to craft a message.
  7. Be likeable, but not to everybody.

And of course, this is the most important lesson that I ever learned from my college accounting professor:

Your name is your most valuable asset.

Original Text: Quote of Daniel Shi’s answer to How can I become influential?

Further Reading

What do you think?

Networking via email 101

Once in a while I get an email from someone asking to meet me.  The email subject is strong enough for me to open the email.  The sender uses the 6 ways to get action from your emails.  However, I get the feeling that this meeting is going to be a one way street.

Jimmy Wales, Founder of Wikipedia

Reading through Quora today, I came across this simple question to Jimmy Wales: “If I ask Jimmy Wales for a meeting, will he meet me?”  His answer is simple, but as I read it I stopped and thought “that’s it! that’s why some email requests for meetings seem ok but still get a no”.

Jimmy Wales is an American Internet entrepreneur best known as a co-founder of the online encyclopedia Wikipedia.  Here is his answer as to whether he might meet you:

“Jimmy, will you meet with me?”

“Possibly, but you’ll have to make a good pitch as to why I should!

It’s actually surprising how many people don’t follow this simple guideline of courtesy.  I often get long tedious emails from people explaining to me in great detail how I can help them, how great it would be for them if I would work on their project with it, or endorse it, etc.  But they fail to consider my context – why should I care, and even if I do care, why should I act on this rather than any of a thousand other things.

One-on-one meetings are a huge time sink and generally unnecessary.  Email is almost always more effective.” Jimmy Wales

Consider Jimmy’s Context

When you are asking for time, why will it benefit both?  Even if it is my “job” to meet you, the courtesy of thinking through how I might gain from the meeting will make it more worthwhile for us both.

Good business has been done the same way for centuries. The medium does not change the rules for success.

Question 1: Who exactly do you help?

Who do you help?  What problem do you solve for them?

How can you make that pain tangible for the listener?  Effective sales is about helping a customer understand that their suffering can go away.  They have a choice.  Continue to suffer, or begin to change.

Question 2: Where can you take me?

People don’t buy coaching, they buy results. “I am a coach” = about me; “I enable you to make a living through speaking” = results, about you.  Olympic coaches have not won gold; they have helped others achieved gold.

The more I am specific, the more I show how others like you have gone on this similar journey and achieved these desirable results, the better.

Customer testimonials are powerful.  When a salesperson explains their “vision” it is because they can’t show you a customer who has already gone through the journey.

Question 3: Why can I trust you?

What makes you worthy of trust? It takes a tremendous amount of trust to click “buy” on the website of someone you have never met and believe that the goods will be delivered.

These are the 3 important questions.

According to the report “Are They Really Ready to Work? Employers’ Perspectives on the Basic Knowledge and Applied Skills of New Entrants to the 21st Century U.S. Workforce“, the top 6 competencies for success in the labor market today are:

  1. Networking – connecting to people and sharing your and their goals (Networking in 7 simple steps)
  2. Enthusiasm – showing interest and energy
  3. Professionalism – show up on time, respect others
  4. Communication Skills – listening, context and timing, message (Improve your Speaking, Listen better)
  5. Teamwork – acting as part of a team, sometimes leading, sometimes following
  6. Problem Solving and Critical Thinking – solution orientation, data driven analysis, structured thinking (6 steps for business problem solving)

“Social Media is not about technology, it is about the relationships you can form” Charlene Li, author of Groundswell.

I had the privilege of having coffee with Charlene Li before she spoke to 400 people in IESE Business School’s Aula Magna in Barcelona at the HSM Social Media event.  Watch the video of our interview on the blog.

“I don’t want to be ‘messaged’, engage with me”


We spoke about her book, examples of companies who use social media effectively, and how she, as a parent, manages her family’s exposure to social media.

“It’s not just about listening, it’s about learning and changing…  to consumers marketing often feels like someone shouting at them. That is not a dialogue. You need to join the conversation but you have to have the conversation with your customers that they want to have.”

Does your company use facebook, twitter, google+ effectively?  

“Tell me about yourself?”

How do you respond to this most simple of questions?

pablo-45

This is the question that starts many friendships, job interviews, professional relationships and team experiences. However, in many cases… the way that we answer ruins the possibility of creating something great.  How do you answer this question?

Andrew Dlugan provides an excellent overview of the Ice Breaker speech at his blog Six Minutes.  I recommend that you start by reading that post.

Always be Prepared

This is a good speech to practice 
Introduce yourself: you are an absolute authority on this topic, no research will be needed.
Conquer fear: get started on preparing a speech that you will give hundreds of times over the course of a life; when you meet someone new, when you move to a new team at work, when you start a new training course.

Here are a 3 simple examples of how to introduce yourself:

————————————————

Structure: “How did I get here?”

Patrick from US Toastmasters

Would you like to meet Patrick?  How did his story engage you?  Are you interested in finding out more?  How could you use Patrick’s structure to explain who you are?
————————————————

Structure 4 phases of my life:

Esha from Indian Toastmasters

Would you like to meet Esha?  How did her story engage you?  Are you interested in finding out more?  How could you use Esha’s structure to explain who you are?

————————————————

Structure: My life as Fiction

Charles from USA Toastmasters

Would you like to meet Charles?  How did his story engage you?  Are you interested in finding out more?  How could you use Tom’s structure to explain who you are?  (PS Charles has given over 4,000 speeches and is a professional speaker)

Are there any other good examples?  Please let me know.

——–
Another way to improve your confidence is regular practice.  I have been developing an online module of my Persuasive Communications seminar.  It is available here: Improve My Speaking. Feel free to share this resource with friends (and people who need it).

P.S. If you liked this post you might also like The greatest coaching question of all time and The top 5 Commencement Speeches.

This is a central page with links to resources for participants in the IESE Business School Seminar: Developing Relationships and Career Management.

Handouts:

Further Discussion and Questions

Articles on Networking

Articles on Use of Email
Great Blogs on Networking
Why?
Books & IESE Technical Notes
  • Managing with Power, Jeffrey Pfeffer (link to IESE Library Catalog)
  • SMN-676-E Creating and Nurturing your Social Network: The Art of Building Long-term Mutually Beneficial Relationships, Ferraro & Neill
Video Resources