There is formula for changing people. Doctor Malik Mohammed shared this wisdom with the EO Global Leadership Academy last week in Washington, USA. If you are to change someone’s behaviour patterns, two things are necessary.
There is a lot of frustration and anger in the world. This has led to the election of Donald Trump, to the Brexit vote in the UK and to the Catalan independence movement here in Barcelona.
On the declaration of independence here in Catalunya, I made this video reflecting on the last 18 months of politics. I believe that there is anger and frustration… some is just rebellion… but there is a lot of understandable frustration with a growing inequality in our societies that we must deal with.
My worry is that the current politics are polarising the different views… Trump causes extreme emotional reaction, Brexit causes emotional reactions… and Catalan independence causes emotional reaction. It is not an environment where we can work together to create a better structure for living together. What can we do?
I think we can each make an effort to engage openly in understanding the lives, hopes, dreams and frustrations of others, particularly those who are different from ourselves.
“If someone followed your life and took 24 hours of film of everything you do for a day and they edited that into a one-hour documentary… the editor could decide to make you look like the worst villain ever or the greatest hero ever… it depends on which parts of your day he puts into the documentary” my friend Raul Aguirre over dinner in Buenos Aires
This video is about a Paradox that we must come to terms with in order to live a full human life. I’ve made it in Montevideo, Uruguay on a trip here to teach Leadership Communications at the IEEM Business School (part of the University of Montevideo).
We need to find a balance in our lives between the forces of external and internal success, between intentional, goal-directed living and a sense of peace within. The paradox – is that these are two forces that clash. How do you find the right balance?
I’d welcome your help on Balance between Ambition and Peace
I need your help- how do you find this balance? Do you have this balance? Do you ever lose control to one side or the other… and how do you recognise this and regain the balance in your life? Thanks… trying to regain this balance in my own life…
If you liked this, you might also like to see my recent video on Finding Purpose and Defining a Vision for your Life (an Exercise).
Billionaire Ray Dalio is the founder of Bridgewater, one of the world’s largest and best-performing hedge funds. Recently, Ray published his lessons in his book, Principles.
Here’s the opening paragraph of Ray Dalio’s book…
“Before I begin telling you what I think, I want to establish that I am a “dumb shit” who doesn’t know much relative to what I need to know. Whatever success I’ve had in life has more to do with my knowing how to deal with my not knowing than anything I know. The most important thing I learned is an approach to life based on principles that helps me find out what’s true and what to do about it.”
The Number 1 Hurdle to your growth and potential?
Closed Mindedness is not knowing that you don’t know (and not taking deliberate steps to overcome this natural human state).
You must learn to be Open Minded.
Here are some cues that will tell if you are Open-Minded.
- Open-minded people are not angry when someone disagrees, Close-minded people don’t want their ideas challenged.
- Open-minded people genuinely believe they could be wrong, Close-minded people are more likely to make statements than ask questions.
- Open-minded people always feel compelled to see things through others’ eyes, Close-minded people focus much more on being understood than on understanding others.
- Open-minded people approach everything with a deep-seated fear that they may be wrong, Close-minded people lack a deep sense of humility.
Read more about Ray Dalio and the dangers of Closed Mindedness on Carmine Gallo’s column on Inc magazine.
Question for you: Who is the person that challenges you and your strategies? Who helps you see new perspectives? Hit the comments down below and I’d love to hear who and how 😉
This weeks video is inspired by a book: The Road Less Travelled, by M. Scott Peck.
Life is not meant to be easy, and is a series of problems which can either be handled or ignored.
Discipline is required to solve life’s problems rather than ignore them. Discipline is made up of 4 aspects of how we chose to live our lives.
The 4 Aspects of Discipline:
- Delaying gratification: Sacrificing present comfort for future gains.
- Acceptance of responsibility: Accepting responsibility for one’s own decisions.
- Dedication to truth: Honesty, both in word and deed.
- Balancing: Handling conflicting requirements. Scott Peck writes of an important skill to prioritize between different requirements – bracketing.
Carl Jung, said “neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.” Neurotics make themselves miserable; those with character disorders make everyone else miserable. Everyone is neurotic or character-disordered at some time in their life, and the balance is to have a structure and relationships in your life than can help you see your lack of balance before you hurt yourself (or others).
Dedication to the truth represents the capacity of an individual to modify and update their worldview when exposed to new information discordant with the old view. Dedication to truth implies a life of genuine self-examination, a willingness to be personally challenged by others, and honesty to oneself and others.
Really coming to terms with oneself is very hard and painful work. Most people prefer to complain about their pain and continue their self-destructive patterns than to take up the challenging task of constructing a self and a life they could really live with.
This is the detailed guide to boring others. In this video from Portugal, I share the 5 best ways that you can develop an ability to bore the people around you.
The 5 Specific Areas to Develop to Be Boring
- Negative Attitude
- No Interest in Others
- Stay in your Comfort Zone
- Be a People Pleaser
- No Social Awareness
The 4 Areas to Develop to be Deeply Interesting
- Find a Cause to Support
- Take Courageous Leaps of Faith (help others)
- Get out and Explore this World
- Cultivate Weirdness
This video is about Innovation and the 3 types of innovation as described by Ferran Adrià, the world’s best chef. He tells us that there are 3 levels of innovation… and that it is type 3 innovation that really moves humanity through a step change in progress.
Read more on Innovation on the blog:
This video is about Building Trust – and how building Trust will Improve Relationships and the Enhance the Quality of our Lives. After you have food and shelter, it is the quality of the relationships that really make your life. Relationships are about trust. Where there is no trust, there is no relationship.
I’d love to hear your comments, thoughts, reflections and questions on this and the other educational videos on my channel.
I wrote a few years ago a longer post on The Trust Equation: https://conorneill.com/2011/11/17/trust/
How do you Increase Trust?
In order to Increase Trust =
- Increase Perception of Credibility or
- Increase Perception of Reliability or
- Increase Intimacy or
- Reduce Perception of Self-Orientation.
Ways to increase Perception of Credibility:
- Tell the truth.
- Don’t exaggerate.
- Avoid saying things that others may see as lies (eg “We’ll put our best people on it”)
- If you don’t know, say “I don’t know”. Quickly.
- If you don’t belong, don’t go.
- Do your homework.
- Care about the work.
Ways to increase Perception of Reliability:
- Make specific small commitments and deliver 100%.
- Send meeting materials in advance.
- Make sure meetings have clear goals, and that those goals are met.
- Use the words your listener would use.
- Review agendas for meetings.
- Re-confirm events 24 hours before.
Ways to Increase Intimacy:
- Ask insightful questions.
- Share first.
Ways to Reduce Perception of Self-Orientation:
- Ask questions.
- Listen and paraphrase without adding anything.
- Resist the need to fill silences.
- Focus on defining the problem, not guessing the solution.
- Say “I don’t know” if you don’t know.
- Take responsibility for failed communications (Say “I have failed to communicate clearly”, not “You don’t understand“)
- Think as if you were completely responsable for this person’s future success in all aspects that are important to the other person.
- Care about the work. If you don’t care about the work, it is inevitable that you will focus more on yourself. Low self orientation is all about intensity of your commitment to help your listener.
I have worried for too much of my life about whether I am a success or not.
This video shares the simplest and most empowering definition of success that I have found. It comes from Pema Chodron. It is a wonderful reflection for me about how I am living my life.
Am I learning to forgive myself and to be a positive addition when I am with other people?
Thank you for your comments, reflections, shares and likes!
Rich Mulholland is an entrepreneur, author and keynote speaker. He tells powerful short little stories with impact though his videos. I had a chance to do a short interview with Rich during the Entrepreneurs’ Organisation Global Leadership Conference in Frankfurt recently.
I think you really should subscribe to Rich’s YouTube Channel, you will lose out on lots of lessons if you don’t!
Here’s our 11 minute interview from Frankfurt…